You are angry, hurt, scared, sad, anxious, revengeful. You feel like you are crawling out of your skin. Your life is changing and you don't know how you will deal with that. You don't want a divorce OR you cannot stay married one second longer. You are scared about your financial future. You are scared about the well being of your children. You worry that the time with them will be divided so that you will see them less often. You talk to your friends and relatives. Some of them tell you that you must fight to protect your legal rights and some of them treat you like you have "The Plague." They want to avoid you lest your circumstances rub off on them by association. Your head is spinning; you feel confused; you have information overload and you do not know what to do first.
During a divorce, all of these feelings are normal and experienced by both spouses, one way or the other in the same or in different ways no matter who initiates a divorce. Every person going through divorce experiences extremely stressful negative emotions. You are not yourself. You are in a state of trauma and when traumatized, humans are hardwired to fight, take flight, or play dead. The primitive part of the brain takes over when threatened and the IQ drops about 30 points. Nothing magic about it, it is neuroscience.
Yet, because you are getting a divorce, our traditional method of granting a divorce expects and demands that you keep a stiff upper lip and make life changing decisions regardless of this emotional state. There is NO recognition of how you feel.
Even though the cognition part of your brain is shutting down due to this emotional trauma, you better decide what to do with your children, your property, your debts, your income! Because you are forced now to make these difficult and ugly decisions, you are even more angry with your estranged spouse.
So, you must find an attorney who will beat up on your spouse and make him/her pay. Just wait till your attorney tells the judge what your spouse did to you and the family!
BUT....first pause and ask yourself: How will this help me in the future? Answer: It will not help, it will make your future worse. If you have children, they need both parents to co-parent them and if their parents cannot speak to each other in the future, what will their chances be for a successful life?
Ask yourself: Won't my spouse and his/her attorney just do the same thing to me? YES!
So......now you are off to the races...! You will end up in the battle of your life and you could spend all of the family money and all of your emotional energy. The fight will cost you both emotionally and financially and take away from both of you and your children. You will be even more polarized and less able to make joint decisions with the other parent of your children.
Again: To What End? Should you put all of your money and energy focusing on the divorce itself, or should you try to focus on the future for yourself and your children? What makes more sense to you?
Before you begin a traditional divorce guaranteed to negatively impact your children, your finances and your emotional well being, please take the time to learn about a better, sane, less costly, much more productive way to divorce, putting you in complete control, while helping you navigate the emotional trauma of divorce for you and your children. It is worth it to you to at least take the time to check out all of your options! Please call 248.258.2828